Most of us seem to suffer from this people-pleasing sickness, sometimes you just want to say no and walk away but for some reason nine times out of ten you just can't. Does this sound like you?
People-pleasing has plagued me all my life, and it has really taken a toll on my emotions. I can honestly say it seems like it has caused my anxiety to be much higher than it should be as well as my depression. Has it done the same things to you? The only way to really get away from people pleasing, is to realize you have a problem and then make a change.
Here are some of the habits of people who generally are riddled with people-pleasing tendencies:
- They struggle to say "no"
- they find it hard to be assertive and voice their opinions
- they fear negative emotion
- they are always on the look out for rejection
- they usually suffer at the expense of making sure a favor goes through
- they have a weak sense of interpersonal boundaries
- they become emotionally codependent when in a relationship
- they're addicted to the approval of others
- they have a low sense of self-worth
- they have a desire to be liked no matter what
- they don't handle criticism well, on the inside
- they act based on what others think
- they always put themselves in the other person's shoes
- they believe in the good of other people even if they seem terrible from the beginning
- they fear losing control of themselves because of repressing so much
Being too nice can be very dangerous in all honestly we really need to think of ourselves first, that is the only way we will actually be able to be content. Helping others is a good thing, but we should not help others to the extent of putting a strain on ourselves. It is time to realize that you are more important than you think you are.
Here are a few ways that being too nice can be dangerous:
- You suppress a very large amount of emotion which will hurt you on the inside in the long run. You can only bottle things up for so long before exploding.
- People learn that they can use you. These people will abuse you and your kindness over and over again.
- You will develop an intense need to be in control and that isn't healthy, we are never really in control.
- No one will know the real you.
- You will become even more anxious and depressed with time.
Take responsibility for your own happiness, don't rely on others to make you feel better, learn to be more assertive and find your self-worth within yourself rather than looking for it in other people. In order to overcome this need to people-please you will have to learn to like yourself and to say no. Don't just sit there and let everyone use you. Think for yourself and have some fun. You only live once!
Written by Shelby