Yes, there are tons of exhausting things going on in this life but battling yourself is one of the worst no matter how you look at it. Having anxiety makes you care about everything more than you should and having depression makes you not care at all.
Is there even an in between? I have a long list of things to do thanks to my anxiety, it grows each and every day but my depression keeps me so far away from motivation that I will never complete my list. I want to, but I just can’t. It’s not that I just ‘don’t care.’ It is physically impossible for me to pretend.
Some people don’t understand how lucky they are for being able to get out of bed in the morning without going to full on war with themselves first. I feel terrible, all of the time. I want to brush my hair, I want to get all my chores done, and ace all my tests but it doesn’t happen. I have to have that extra five minutes every day to get me through.
Sometimes all I have the strength to do is breathe, in and out, in and out. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t always like this. I have good days from time to time. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I don’t have a care in the world, but those days just don’t last. It isn’t always a walk through the pits of hell and I do stop to smell the flowers sometimes.
I am a lot stronger than most and I know that. No matter how impossible it feels, I always manage to get out of bed and that says more than I can find the words to say. I have anxiety and depression but anxiety and depression do not have me.
I am strong. I am worth it. I will be free, someday.