Relationships are just not what they used to be; in a world full of instant gratification nobody seems to take anything seriously anymore. Morals have gone downhill, affairs have gone up; is there even hope?
The modern relationship; the heterosexual, monogamous, eating in restaurants, and sleeping in on Sundays type of relationship is dysfunctional. Expectation, money and possession have slipped in their claws, shredding each little tendril of happiness away one piece at a time.
But, is there hope? We each hold a unique vision of love; you may want someone who is honest, who doesn’t cheat. Everyone has their own standards and deal breakers, and often, we overlook flaws because we fall in love with a person and could imagine any possibility except for losing them. This is sometime admirable, but it is important to recognize the principles that make a partner into a soul mate.
The current paradigm is not working, people are unsatisfied with love, and have no clue how to make a relationship work.
Leading to the question- what exactly is a conscious relationship? It is a relationship where both partners feel committed to a sense of purpose, and that purpose is growth. Not only individual growth but collective growth as a couple. People get into relationships to satisfy their own selfish personal needs. Yes, it may SEEM to work for a couple of years, but eventually, the relationship will fail, and we end up with an unsatisfying result.
BUT, when two people come together with the intention of growth, the relationship strives towards something much better than instant gratification. The partnership becomes a beautiful journey of evolution, and the two individuals have an opportunity to expand more than they could alone. Deep satisfaction and long-term fulfillment arise as a result.
- The relationship is a place to practice love
What is love really? It is ultimately a practice; a practice of acceptance, being present, forgiveness, and allowing your heart to stretch into vulnerable territories.
Love is not a destination! People want that peak feeling all the time, and when it is not there people treat it as if the love is gone. They become unsatisfied with the relationship. Doesn’t that seem as if we are missing the whole point of love?
Love is a beautiful journey an exploration if you will. It should be showing up for all varied nuances of a relationship and asking yourself, “What would love do here”? The answer will always be different, every single time! Because of this, you will be able to grow in ways you never have before.
A conscious couple should be fiercely committed to being the embodiment of love. Through devotion and practice, love will show up in randomly in your lives and relationships in ways you would have never imagined before!
- Sees the world with the same eyes
In a relationship, you need to share the same goals, ideas, and mindset about the future. There is always room for compromise, yes but two partners must share the same ideas on the fundamentals of life to grow as one. It is important for both partners to continue to visualize the same future.
Yes, as silly as it may seem conflict is not always a bad thing! In fact, conflict is usually a sign of a place where you and your partner can actually grow together! Your partner contains a theoretical “blueprint” for your own growth and healing.
- Don’t be attached to the outcome, growth must come first!
Let’s clear one thing up before we go on, not being attached to the outcome of a relationship does not mean you do not care what happens! What it means is you are more committed to the experience of growth that you are to making the relationship “work.”
I know I am using the word growth a lot, but growth is the main fundamental of a conscious relationship. When growth stops, we automatically feel like something has gone wrong, and that is because it has! Without it, we are not fulfilling our soul’s purpose.
Relationships today seem to stifle growth more than enhance it. This is one of the main reasons we are failing at romantic love. We get in a mindset that our partners need to act in a certain way, we start to repress ourselves to please to others, and soon enough, we begin to feel small, oppressed and puzzled about who we have become. This, of course, makes the relationship feel like a cage that we want to break out of. But, the truth is, we have caged ourselves.
The conscious couple values growth more than anything else because they know this is the secret to keeping their relationship alive. Growth can be scary, it takes us into the world of the unknown, the conscious couple is willing to strive towards expansion, even at the risk of outgrowing the relationship. If this happens, the relationship maintains the natural feeling of aliveness, and love between the couple does too.
- Instead of trying to make your partner better, focus on being the right partner
Instead of trying to change the person you love, focus on growing yourself and your own capacities within the relationship. At the same time, it is helpful to energize and appreciate your partner for the things that they do well, do this to amplify that energy within your relationship. Otherwise, too much change can lead to exits popping open for either partner.