5 Things to Ask Yourself Before Starting a Relationship

Avatar Kirsten Cowart |

Whether you are in a relationship, or planning to have one, there are five important questions that you should ask yourself before proceeding.  These questions are designed to ensure that you are in a solid space and that the person, you are thinking about connecting with, is the right one for your spiritual path.  Many of these concepts also can be applied to friendships within a community.

We are all waking up, becoming more sensitive, and growing in ways that we would have never dreamed of a couple of years ago.  As this is happening our relationships are evolving as much as we are.  Not only are we becoming more sensitive to the foods that we eat but we are starting to notice a difference in the types of people that we choose to interact with.

The changes we are experiencing, with the various shifts happening on this earth, are on an emotional level as well as a physical level.  With that being said you may have noticed that you are more aware of the intent behind someones words, have become extremely hard to lie to, and are more aware of your own emotional needs.

All of this new data, coming in through self exploration, is going to naturally bleed over into our relationships.  It is going to affect the people we are around and those that we choose to partner up with.

Our vibrations, the frequency at which we vibrate, is directly influenced by those we associate with.  Though we can project our energy in such a way that we can maintain our vibration no matter who we are around, there will be lower days where that doesn’t come as easily.  It is those days when we will be grateful that we were selective in our choice of partner or team members to synergize with.

So with that being said, remember that life is a beautiful journey and it is ok to take your time and slow down when choosing who you want to travel with on your journey through life.

Via princessdeficit.files.wordpress.com

Via princessdeficit.files.wordpress.com

1. Am I completely transparent with myself?  

Self-deception is a huge problem that reflects out, in the mirror of life, in some crazy ways.  When we are not honest with ourselves, not only does the universe not know what to send us, but we attract other people who are ignorantly living in their own self deception.

As you may have guessed you will probably attract a partner who is a vibrational match to yourself.  So if you want honesty in a relationship then you have to start with being honest inside your own head.  Practice telling yourself the truth, about everything.  If you don’t prefer something, don’t pretend that you do.

2. Am I completely Transparent with the people around me?

After you have practiced being honest with yourself then practice being honest with everyone around you.  Be true to your feelings when you express yourself.  You can still be tactful and respect of the people around you while being true to how you feel.

Trust me on this one when I say that even white lies matter when it comes to relationships.  If we get in the habit of exaggerating or pretending that we are fine with something, even when we are not, then the people around us will have no idea what we actually prefer.  That is like getting mad at your dog for not fetching a ball that you didn’t even throw, let alone ask for.  It doesn’t make much sense and doesn’t give our partners much data to work with.

If we are treating people with the respect of transparency it opens up a whole world for them to communicate on a vulnerable and intimate level.  This is a good practice with all people even if we aren’t planning on getting romantically involved with them.

3. Why do I want to have a relationship?

Via goldenageofgaia.com/

Via goldenageofgaia.com/

What is the core of your desire to have a relationship.  Focus on digging deep and really find the heart centered core at which you are operating from.  Sometimes this can feel a bit scary because it can reveal things about ourselves that we weren’t prepared for.  Sometimes we uncover selfish reasons for seeking others.

If you find that your answer is from a space of lack see if there is an empowering way that you can shift it around.  For example if your reason deep down is “…Because I don’t want to be alone” recognize that this is an ego perception that is seeing life from a disconnected point of view.

Know that you are not bad for feeling this way.  This is something that we are all working on.  We are all learning to remember what it feels like to be connected to everyone again.  However, if we are building a relationship upon this core then we will have a hard time building anything healthy that will last.

Instead try and reshape your core statement into a powerful sentence that encompasses what it is that you do want.  “…I feel that through synergy and seeing life through another persons eyes I can grow and learn more about the depth of love.”  Doesn’t that feel much better?

To get your new statement to stick try and making it a mantra you say every day, or a meditation where you focus on it for 90 seconds straight.  Give your brain enough time to rewire with the new message and see how much of a difference it has on your energy and how you interact with others.

4. What are my Expectations for myself as a Partner/Lover?

What are my personal goals and how do I plan to use my path of growth to further love and support the person I want to be with?  When you, and your lover, run into hard times see if you can change how you perceive them.  Perhaps there is a creative and exciting way that you can grow closer together by tackling this unique obstacle.

Via acceleratedascension.wordpress.com

Via acceleratedascension.wordpress.com

Remember that your partner is not responsible for how you feel, and while they are expected to be respectful and nurturing there are some lessons in life that will mirror through them for your growth.  Try and observe and ask questions before judging.  What you dislike in others is more telling of yourself then you may think.

Make sure you ask lots of questions.  “When you said this, I felt this, what did you mean by that?”  Hold yourself to a high standard of patience, understanding, and create healthy boundaries through example.  It is ok to tell your partner no.  This will be easy if you are practicing complete transparency like we spoke about before.

Setting relationship goals for your growth is completely fine.  “I choose to always respond with love.”  “I choose to ask questions first instead of reacting.”  “I choose to express my needs and ask for help when I need it.”  Tell your partner about your goals and ask for their help in accomplishing them.

5. Does being around this person make me feel more real?

This is the one major question that we have for looking at the other person you are thinking about pursuing a relationship with.  Does being around this person make you want to hide your true self or do they create a space that makes you come alive?

Do they empower your ability to be authentic with yourself, to love yourself, and to follow your dreams and passions?  If so then you have found a truly powerful person.  Just make sure that you are working to create that type of environment for them and you two should have many wonderful adventures together.

What other questions do you feel someone should ask themselves before starting a relationship?  Let us know in the comments below and thank you for reading.

Featured Image art by Josephine Wall


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5 Things to Ask Yourself Before Starting a Relationship