Sexuality is a large part of who we are. Our sensual expression is an innate, creative and euphoric way to experience ourselves, and the Divine. Sexuality can be one of the most joyful and fulfilling parts of our lives; one where we feel most passionate, free and wholly satisfied. For some, it can also be a source of fear, frustration, resistance, dissatisfaction or shame. We live in a world where distorted sexual messages populate the media, and unconscious sexuality dominates the culture. Things such as objectification, pornography, sexual abuse, and genital mutilation (circumcision) are normalized parts of society. Most men and women carry some form of sexual wounding that has limited their capacity to have a deeply fulfilling sex life. Negative sexual experiences (or even medical procedures) can prevent us from having a healthy relationship to sex, from feeling safe sexually, or allowing ourselves to experience our greatest pleasure. This can manifest in the form as physical pain, decreased arousal, sexual dysfunction, insensitivity or numbness, feelings of fear, shame, dissociation, repeated patterns of violation/abuse/trauma, and so on.
Sexual healing can be a vulnerable subject to address, but the rewards are well worth the journey.
We do not need, or deserve to settle for a mediocre sex life, when we are made to experience Divine ecstasy through our bodies. Due to childhood sexual abuse, I’ve experienced the pain of sexual limitation. I feared that I would always suffer from physical pain, insensitivity, and inability to orgasm for the rest of my life. Through determination and commitment to my healing and exploration, I was able to have a kundalini awakening and experience states of ecstasy I never thought possible. I have found that no matter what we have been through, we are all capable of, and deserve to have an amazing, healing, and orgasmic sensual life… and a turned on life! If we can find the courage to walk through the fires of our healing, we can awaken a powerful, passionate and creative side of ourselves that can provide an endless stream of fulfilment. When we heal our blocks, it allows for the pleasure of our love and life-force to flow freely throughout all areas of our life. This union with Self and Source can be done with or without a partner. This union results in a passion and joy that ripples out in a myriad of ways, such as joy, creativity, spreading more love, increased confidence, vibrant health, and increases our pleasure in other forms. It is clear, that as a collective, we have much to heal and transform around sexuality. As we take responsibility for our individual healing, we inspire a new sexual paradigm together, and contribute to a more healthy sexual culture for our future generations.
Here Are 7 Essential Steps To Get Your Sexual Healing On:
1. Go to the root.
Getting to the root of sexual challenges can be difficult, but vital to transcending them. It takes courage to face what happened, let alone recognize the true impact it’s had on your life. Be willing to look at your sexual symptoms or sexual issues and connect them with past sexual experiences. Decide that now is the time to heal, and take it one step at a time. Consider if you are experiencing any of the symptoms below, and consider what their source could be.
Here are some of the physical and mental symptoms have been associated with sexual violation or abuse:Guilt, shame, self-blame.
~Guilt, shame and self blame.
~Anxiety, stress, tension, and depression.
~Self-destructive behaviours and addiction.
~Insomnia or other sleeping disorders.
~Eating disorders, obesity as a means of protection.
~Dissociating or difficulty experiencing feelings or connection.
~Repression, denial, amnesia, and negating effects of abuse.
~Feeling worthless, unworthy, or not good enough.
~Feeling ugly, dirty, or dissatisfaction with body.
~Fear, and suppression of one’s light, beauty, femininity, and sensuality.
~Suppression of creativity.
~Difficulty establishing or maintaining relationships.
~Difficulty setting boundaries because boundaries were violated.
~Repeating patterns of being violated, or being involved in abusive relationships.
~Low sexual desire, avoiding, fearing, or lacking interest in sex, approaching sex as an obligation.
~Experiencing negative feelings such as anger, disgust, or guilt with touch.
~Difficulties with trust; not trusting sexuality, partner, or life.
~Fear of intimacy.
~Sexual dysfunction, or inability to orgasm.
~Pain or numbness during sexual activity.
~Intolerance of, or constant search for intimacy.
~Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or symptoms.
~Gastrointestinal distress, chronic headache or back pain.
Many suffer from these symptoms, not understanding how significantly past sexual experiences have influenced their lives. Because sexual violation is a taboo subject so closely linked to shame, many avoid facing it, even though they still suffer from it’s results. It is best to have support during this process, with a trusted friend, practitioner or mentor that has gone through it before.
There’s a saying, “Ya gotta feel it to heal it”. Create the time and space to feel and express the withheld emotions related to the root cause of your sexual challenges. There can be many emotions that come from sexual wounding, the most common being anger and grief. Anger is a powerful and liberating emotion that defines our rights and needs. Grief can come from the sadness that someone would do something so hurtful, and from what we lost because of it.
Set it free!! There are multiple ways to release and express your deep emotions. One of the most fun and effective ways is through creativity. It can be through dance, writing, music or art. I have had some of my most transformational and empowering releases, when getting in touch with my emotions creatively. Don’t be afraid to really go for it, it will be well worth it.
Here are some suggestions that have worked well for me and my clients:
Put music on and allow yourself to connect with the incident, and the emotions and thoughts connected to it. See what is ready to come out, and be communicated. Express it through poetry, art, dance or music.
I have written poetry about my story, painted abstracts of my inner child, painted the emotions from what happened, painted the limiting beliefs that came from what happened, painted abstracts of my vagina/yoni to appreciate it in a new way, and communicated to my abuser through a solitary dance (this was really powerful!). See what calls to you and go for it in a private and safe space.
3. Remove energetic cords and imprints.
Everyone that we have sexual experiences with, leaves their energetic imprint in our root area/sexual organs, and sometimes we even stay connected through an energetic cord. It is essential to remain sovereign in your energetic field and especially your womb area, or hara for a man. This area is the seat of our intuition and also where we create from. It is our root, foundation and our power source. You can remove other’s imprints by stating out loud: “I remove all energy related to (person’s name) from all of my cells, all of my physical and energetic bodies, and all of my sexual organs, and I send it back to where it can do no harm.” It can also be useful to cut any cords that remain between you and people that have interacted with sexually.
4. Reclaim your body.
This step is about taking your power back by creating a new relationship with your body. It’s about knowing that it is safe to be fully in your body, enjoy being in your body, and about learning to love all of your parts. Some effective practices that I’ve found most effective are through dance, saying affirmations in the mirror, self touch, and creating artwork honoring your sexual organs. Trust the ways you feel called to reconnect and enjoy your body.
5. Identify your needs.
What do you really need to feel safe and satisfied sexually? If you do not know this, it is time to find out, and then do what you need to do to create it. For women especially, it is important to know what kind of environment, touch, and partner allows us to feel most safe, free and open to receiving pleasure. Also be open to recognizing if you need time away from sexual interaction with others. If you are becoming aware of sexual challenges, it can be a great idea to take time off to heal and do some self exploration. There were two years when I needed to be single and celibate to recalibrate my relationship to sensuality, and other times when I needed a trusted partner/lover that I was deeply connected to, and knew just how to honor me. Listen to, and explore your needs.
6. Go Slow.
An amazing and deeply fulfilling sex life is sprouted from physical, emotional, and spiritual trust. When we or our partners have experienced some sort of sexual wounding, it is common to not be fully present in the bodies. Perhaps something painful happened, and we had to leave our body to protect ourselves, or maybe we just never had a partner that knew how to really take their time and honor us. When we are not present in our bodies, it is hard to be connected to your intuition- as to how far you would, or wouldn’t like to go with someone, and also makes it more difficult to receive pleasure. It can take some time to rebuild a sense of trust and safety to fully relax into sharing our bodies and our orgasms with another. Take it slow with someone new, and begin sexual interactions in a sweet, loving and slow way, to put your nervous system at ease, and feel comfortable expanding into your full sensual expression.
7. Create a sacred container.
There are many ways to engage in sensual and sexual activity with oneself and with others. When one is healing their sexuality, it is essential to feel very safe and honored and is most satisfying when done in a beautiful and intentional way. Creating a beautiful, safe and sacred space can create deeper connection, intimacy, reverence, relaxation, and pleasure. There are many ways to do this, whether you are by yourself or with a partner. Here are some ways to create a beautiful and sacred container; Light candles or incense. Play your favorite sensual music. Dim the lights. Create a love altar. Begin with deep breathing and/or eye gazing. Connect your heart with your sexual organs. Begin with a prayer or intention. Use sacred objects or items from Nature. Begin with teasing with slow and light touch. Have fun and be creative!
By Naia Leigh
Naia’s mission is to create sacred space for women to reunite, heal, and empower one another to be all that they are, and support a new feminine leadership in the world. She is an international women’s empowerment coach, writer and artist, and guides both the individual and collective process of women’s empowerment.
Join me in Hawaii at my upcoming retreat! Sacred Sensuous Woman. We are going to dive deep together and: