Psychopaths make for upto 4% of the total population, and a good majority of them are not necessarily serial killers. Infact, they may just be people that you walk by on the street- just a person who served you your coffee this morning at Starbucks, or that ex who knows how to manipulate you.
Psychopaths may look like normal people- like you and me. But they have a big difference- they don’t have a conscience. They tend to cause harm to others and have no sense of remorse or guilt, and spend their lives trying to mimic human emotions, but they don’t usually experience any of those feelings. Feelings like trust, love, forgiveness and compassion- all those vulnerabilities are something that they easily exploit!
A psychopath may slip around unnoticed- they may seem friendly, likeable and even charming, but those who are unfortunate enough to be close to any of them, they will feel like a nightmare has begun to unfold. It may seem fairytale-ish in the beginning, but it may become an incomprehensible mess of chaos and mind games as you go into them.
Wondering if you’re actually in a relationship with a psychopath? Here are the top 10 warning signs that may suggest that you do!
1. They love-bomb and flatter you.
Things can move pretty fast when you meet a psychopath. They’ll tell you about how much they have in common with you, and how you both can be perfect together. Just like a chameleon, they will mirror your dreams and hopes and also insecurities and will help you form a bond of trust and excitement. They will initiate a conversation and will show that they are fascinated by you at every level.
2. They prey on your emotions with pity plays and stories of sympathy.
You’ll definitely find a soft spot in your heart for them- they’ll come off as cute and innocent, and they may mention their past sad stories- maybe that abusive ex or a tragic accident. They’ll say that all they want is some peace and quiet and that they hate drama, but soon enough, you’ll notice that there’s more drama surrounding them than probably anyone else you’ve known.
3. They’ll have you involved in love triangles that don’t even exist.
Once you get hooked to a psychopath, you’ll find yourself in a love triangle. Psychopaths surround themselves with their former lovers, potential lovers and anyone else who can provide them their much needed attention. This includes people who they themselves may have denounced. In the middle of all of this, you may find yourself confused and it may create a perception that the psychopath is in high demand at all times.
4. They rewrite reality and exhibit crazy behavior.
Psychopaths clearly deny their manipulative behavior, and even ignore the evidence against them when they are confronted with it. They may become critical and dismissive if you try to show them how they have fabricated the facts. Instead of acknowledging and addressing their inappropriate behavior, they will find faults within you for being crazy and sensitive. They may try to explain to you how the problem isn’t the abuse itself, but your reaction to the abuse.
5. They accuse you of experiencing emotions that they themselves are provoking within you.
They may blatantly flirt with an ex and then call you jealous. They may end up ignoring you for days, and then call you needy. Basically, they use your reactions to gather sympathy from those around them, and try to prove that you’ve become a crazy person. You may have probably been an easy going person, but after you start to be with a psychopath, they will turn that notion upside down for you.
6. They lie pathologically and make excuses for everything.
With them, there is always an excuse for everything, even in things that don’t need excusing. They tend to make up lies faster than you can question them, and they always find a way to blame others- it will never ever be their fault. Instead of trying to improve their behavior, they spend time trying to rationalize everything they do, and even when they get caught in a lie, they show no embarrassment or shame. Sometimes, it is as if they wanted you to catch them.
7. They provoke jealousy and rivalry, and pretend to be innocent.
In the beginning, the psychopath may divert all of their attention to you, and then suddenly begin to withdraw and focus on other people, which can make it extremely innocent. They may do things that may make you doubt if you really have a place in their heart. If they have an active social media profile, you’ll find them mentioning their ex in old songs, photos and inside jokes. They may pay more attention to them than you, and pretend to be innocent through it all.
8. They undermine your self esteem.
After they are done showering you with continuous attention and admiration, they will suddenly become bored with you, and will start treating you with silence and become annoyed and it may seem that you are the only person who is interested in the passionate relationship that you both once had. They’ll make you feel as if you’re a chore to them.
9. They are selfish and have a constant thirst for affection.
Psychopaths can drain you of your energy, and basically consume your entire life. They have a constant need for being adored, and while you thought you may be the only person who made them happy, the truth is, no one can really fill the void in their soul.
10. You finally don’t even recognize your own feelings.
Being with a psychopath can change you too- your love and compassion can get transformed into anxiety and panic. You may be apologizing and crying more than you ever have in your life. You may be barely sleeping and may wake up every morning feeling anxious. You remember how relaxed and easy and fun you used to be, but after being with them, how you tend to feel drained, exhausted and empty, and sometimes as if you’re going insane.
You may also tear your entire life apart and may end friendships, spend all your money and not understand the reason why you did it all.
Being in such a relationship can have a lasting damage on your life, and will leave you with doubts and feelings that you’ll never be good enough. Worst of all, even after all of it, it will always be your fault.
The psychopath will ignore your best qualities and will trash your self esteem, fueling insecurities within you until you become a person that is totally unrecognizable. Thankfully, there’s always hope for healing.
The first step to doing it is to getting into the no contact zone- that includes even texts, emails and Facebook stalking. It may seem impossible at first, but becomes easier with time. Slowly, you’ll find that your sanity is returning, and you’ll find opportunities to boost your self respect and experience healthy, fulfilling relationships.