Thinking back now, it is hard to imagine what life was like before I had ever met you before I knew that face, that voice, that touch. You knew me, but you don’t know me.
While I thought you were going to be my everything, my happy ending, my missing piece the universe had other plans. I did nothing wrong, you did nothing wrong. We parted ways. It is strange to think about how I would wake every day itching to talk to you, how we were never apart for long and how much time we really spent together doing absolutely nothing.
I don’t even have your number now. It’s been what a whole year since we last spoke? I still think about you, daily. But it’s not the same now. I don’t remember your voice but I do. If I heard it I would know it but I cannot place it now. Looking back on moments where I was in your arms I can’t imagine it now. Oh, how awkward that would feel.
I feel like I need to get this out, so you will know. I am not sad, not anymore. I am not depressed or unable to function I am just different now. It doesn’t hurt anymore knowing you buried yourself in some girl’s body the night we ended things. It doesn’t hurt anymore that I haven’t found anyone worth my time since you and it doesn’t make me want to die anymore to have to breathe the same air on the same planet as you, without you by my side.
No, I am not happy but I am fine. Just months ago I couldn’t get out of bed and look at me now, all the progress I have made on my own. I am strong. As I write this I am struggling to find the correct words to speak but I know that this needs to come out. I was thrown out to the wolves and I survived.
You have not begun feeling your grief yet but it will come. You will look back on me as the one that you wish you still had. The one who did everything right and never strayed. The one you trusted and loved and fucked up. I loved you more than you loved me and that was my bad. I will find someone better and my life will go on.
Happiness will make it’s way to me somehow at some point. I am much more of myself than I used to be and I guess I have you to thank for that. So, thank you for not being enough to love me. Thank you for not being the one that I needed in this life. I am going to use this as my closure and leave things as they are. This is where I need to be. Please do not try to come and open my door, you will not find me. I have locked it and headed out on a trip to find someone nothing like you.