When You’re in The Gray Area of Being Suicidal

So, you’re suicidal? Well, sort of. You aren’t hurting yourself but you don’t exactly want to exist anymore, right? We all seem to have been here a time or two before.

You see, people for some reason often assume that suicide is a black and white conversation. That either you kill yourself or you don’t. That isn’t how this works. The way I see things suicide is a gray area. I can be in a wonderful mood and still have lingering thoughts of offing myself.

My day doesn’t have to be hell, I don’t have to go through another traumatic experience. I will still be having these thoughts sometimes, whether I am okay ’emotionally’ or not. Sometimes, I just wake up and think, maybe I would be better off dead. I feel it, it doesn’t just go away.

I as I am sure you do try not to give it power. This is because for most people I have noticed these thoughts tend to get louder or they stay as nothing more than feelings. You know what I’m talking about, right?

That itch you can’t scratch? The state of mixed emotions you are engulfed in from time to time? I push through, just like you do.

I am not in any danger. I’m not going to be offing myself but, I think about it. I know about mental health and I know that if I were self-mutilating that I would need to see someone about it. I would see someone. There are tons of people out there in this world just like me.

People who are fighting things on a level that no one else understands. People who want to kill themselves but are not a threat to themselves. The gray area is very real.


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